Example of Collaborative Paper

A Student's Guide to Procrastination

by Amy Kracke

Dan Marino

Robert Miller

As a college student you probably have trouble with procrastination. Perhaps you don't do enough of it. Perhaps you keep putting it off. Many of you waste countless hours trying to think of good excuses to give your professors when your work is late. This guide will help you.

Reasons to Procrastinate:

There are many good reasons to procrastinate. Among the most popular are the following:

Entertainment

You can do your homework anytime, but this could be the day when Vicki finally comes out of her latest coma on Another World, or Anthony Geary assumes another new role on General Hospital. No reasonable person could possibly expect you to write your composition during Melrose Place or Beverly Hills 90210.

Imagine having algebra homework and walking into a room where your roommate's playing Hockey '94. You couldn't be expected to pass up a match in favor of binomial expansions. But one match leads to another, and before you know it, you are too tired and stressed out for homework. There is no solution but a game of Sonic Hedgehog.

If your campus is like ours, you probably have a film series at least once a week. Being the poor college student that you are, you can not afford to miss this opportunity for cheap entertainment. So what if you have already seen The Princess Bride six times? See it a seventh. It's only a dollar. Maybe then instead of being able to quote the first three scenes, you will be able to quote the whole movie.

Social Life:

Some people say you go to college to get an education. Those people are known as parents. You know better. You are at college to get a social life. Admit it, social activities are your priority. Never let your schoolwork interfere with them.

Bonding is your first and foremost responsibility. If you don't have friends, you have nothing. Take that extra hour or so to listen one more time to your friend's life story. Be spontaneous. Get matching tattoos. Don't let the opportunity to bond pass you by.

At the same time it is important to reach out and touch your old friends. Let them know you still care. Talk to each of them on the phone at least once a day. Be sure to tell them about all the schoolwork you have to do.

An important part of a college education is student activities, that is to say, parties. You can read ancient history anytime, it isn't going to change, but this may be the only night in your college career you get invited to a toga party at Lambda Chi.

Other:

Entertainment and social life are not the only reasons for procrastination of schoolwork, however. There are a variety of other reasons as well.

For one thing it takes a great deal of time to complain about how much work you have to do. This can itself become a reason to procrastinate. It's only courteous to let your peers know that you have more assignments than they do, so that they are aware of your need for solitude. Unless you whine for hours about the length and difficulty of your academic tasks, how can they be expected to feel sorry for you?

Of course, all of this whining is exhausting you need to be well-rested. Therefore a good approach is to follow up the complaining with a three-hour power nap. This put you that much further behind, necessitating additional complaining before you can begin. The skillful procrastinator can keep this cycle up indefinitely.

Excuses for the Professor:

Of course, the cycle can sometimes lead to missing a deadline. Therefore you will need a supply of reasonable excuses to give to your professor.

Illness:

Illness is a tried and true kind of excuse. The master procrastinator, however, chooses the illnesses carefully. Anticipating the possible need for further excuses, he or she will select illnesses that are likely to recur. Anything that is chronic or contagious is good: migraine headaches, mononucleosis, and pink eye are a few popular choices.

A danger with this kind of excuse, is that your professor may be suspicious of your claim. Be prepared. Even the most unlikely of illnesses will be acceptable if accompanied by a forged doctor's note. Or consider using props: removable casts and ace bandages are easy to come by and are effective.

Natural disaster/Technological failures:

Natural disasters make excellent, but run risk of arousing suspicion. If you are going to claim your homework was swept away by a flood or carried off by a tornado, make sure such a disaster actually did occur within driving distance of your college. More minor natural disasters can be cited as the causes of power outages or travel problems, however, and are harder to disclaim.

Recent technological advances, particularly the invention of the computer, have led to proliferation of almost fool-proof excuses. You can always claim your system crashed or your drive ate your disk. The skillful procrastinator is never without a damaged computer disk or a sheet of printed gibberish to verify the claim.

Family Emergencies:

Family emergencies are probably the category of excuses most likely to be accepted without documentation and without argument. If you make the family relationship complicated enough, you can forestall suspicion right there: the professor won't bother asking. For example, don't say, "My brother's indictment is tomorrow." Say instead, "My sister's mother's husband's son's indictment is tomorrow." Your professors will be so confused by the relationship they will excuse you without question.

Dead relatives are a perennial favorite excuse for work undone. If you anticipate using this excuse more than once with the same professor, however, you should be careful how you do so. Carefully rotate the family relationship of the deceased. Many find it convenient to kill off the relatives alphabetically, starting with the aunts and working through the grandparents to the uncles. You may prefer to avoid grandparents altogether, realizing that your professor will become suspicious when you get up to about six dead. You can produce and unlimited supply of dead aunts and uncles.

Associated Skills:

Finally, here are a few suggestions for making an excuse more effective. The accomplished procrastinator, for example, can cry on cue, whether speaking of a departed relative or an assignment unretrievable from a damaged computer disk. At very least you can rub your eyes in advance and make them red to appear that you have been crying.

Another useful skill is sincerity of facial expressions. Your excuse is more likely to be accepted if you appear genuinely remorseful. Anyone can learn this skill with a little practice in front of a mirror.

All of your excuses are likely to be more believable if you believe them yourself. It is possible to develop denial as a lifestyle. You can convince yourself that you really did try to do the assignment on time. But only if you begin right away.